By Barbara Rose, Ph.D.

We live in the world of the relative. What and whom we surround ourselves with, how we spend our waking hours, and the type of person we become is in direct relation to all that surrounds us.

Many of our choices are conscious. They are the simple choices such as; “I prefer a black car to a green car, so I am buying the black car.”

Many of our choices are unconscious. They represent those areas of our lives where we feel disenchanted, disappointed, empty, frustrated, and unfulfilled. Our heads may tell us one thing, such as: “I have to stay in this job to pay my bills” when in reality, we dread facing our workday each morning.

Other areas of unconscious choices lie in the area of unfulfilled relationships. The kind of people we share our time with. The type of romantic relationships we have. There is only one way to tell if it is your conscious mind, or unconscious beliefs, that created these choices for you: Ask yourself how deeply fulfilled you feel with those people.

Do you feel supported, nurtured, respected, valued, honored, cared for and loved? Or do you feel drained, taken for granted, hurt, depleted, disrespected and used?

Your greatest truth lies in your heart. You KNOW the answer. That answer creates the dawn of your opportunity to replace an unfulfilled life with a fulfilled one. It creates a tremendous growth opportunity. The growth opportunity of your life! Who you are, who surrounds you what you have, what you would prefer to have, and most importantly what you deserve, are all chosen by YOU.

It takes tremendous courage to face your deepest truth. For most people, myself included, it takes a paradigm shift. Your paradigm is your general view of something. If you think certain people who comprise a certain portion of the population are not good, your paradigm will shift when you meet someone of that exact group of people who shows you that they are not ALL that way. THAT is a paradigm shift.

What about how YOU are? What is your general view of you? For me, it took untold heartache, countless hours of therapy, and deep self questioning before I found the inner courage to align my conscious thoughts (I deserve the best) with my unconscious belief that I was not worth much at all. Guess which belief was running the show? It was the unconscious one. The belief that I was not worth that much brought me the circumstances that showed me what I was tolerating, relative to what I could have.

Once your unconscious beliefs are brought to light, or come up to the surface, they dissipate. When that happens, a deep and positive inner shift takes place.

You have grown. No longer will you live any area of your life where you feel you are treated like dirt. You will only work in the type of job you absolutely love. You will only be in a relationship where you are treated beautifully.

You will also feel worthy enough to extend yourself to others with an open heart, without having a fear that you will be hurt. You will feel strong, confident and much more of the REAL you.

The real you is relative to those parts of your life that do not feel like they truly belong. What kind of company do you keep? Do you hang out with criminals or people who help uplift humanity? Which do you really prefer deep within?

Do you have a spouse or lover who adores you, or one who treats you like garbage? Which do you prefer? This is the relativity of your life.

All of our choices, both conscious and unconscious, lie in our self worth. Look at your life and you will find the indicator of your self worth.

It is a deep, transformative process to uproot the unconscious beliefs that have created pain in our lives. As your beliefs about yourself change, so too will your life change.

It is all relative to what lies within. You will know when you have grown. Your outer life will mirror your inner life in a healthier, more positive and life enhancing way.

It may be scary, however, choosing the best will show you the real truth: that you ARE the best. Relative to the old you, the changes in your life will be profound. It will feel like a whole new life. The life you DESERVE to live.